This was a writing assignment in my Marriage & Family Therapy class in Graduate School in 1990. We were instructed to write a three-generation autobiography from the opposite-sex parents’ perspective.
MOTHER'S STORY 4-22-90
Merle Yost
Marriage & Family B
Michael Searle, Instructor
A note from Merle:
I realize that this will read and sound like fiction. This fantasy world is the world of my childhood and the reality of my family today. It was and is a daily and major part of my family interactions. It has been a focus in my therapy. The story goes on and on and has an endless amount of detail. Someday, I may write a great American fantasy novel. I have plenty of material. There are many holes and pieces that do not seem to make sense. I chose to tell the story this way because to have more detail would have taken a substantial increase in pages, gone into much and I have already almost doubled the length of the assignment.
Writing this has helped me to get a better handle on some of the grains of truth and maybe given me some insight as to why she made up all these stories. I wonder if her childhood was so awful that she had to create a fantasy from the things she heard on the radio to survive. Also, to the best of my memory, the stories began after Mother packed up us kids one night and moved to St. Louis, a hundred miles away, to save her marriage. I think that was the most frightened I have ever seen her. I wonder if this was the method she used to exclude the rest of the world and keep us all within her power, especially my father.
In high school, I began to suspect that all of this was made up. It was not until college, when I moved out of the house, that I was able to admit to myself that it was all a lie. I am beginning to accept emotionally that it was all a lie and the impact on me. This assignment has been very difficult, but I believe I have benefited from it.
If you have any questions, I will do my best to answer them. For a few minutes, suspend your logical mind and welcome to my family.
Mother’s Story
My name is Mary Jane Yost. My legal maiden name was Weaver. My father, Merle, was a cripple. As a child, he broke his back. However, he did not allow that to be an obstacle in his getting on with his life. He became a Marshall for the State of Illinois. That is how he supported our family in the difficult years following the depression. It also gave him the opportunity to travel around the country. That is how he met my real mother.
He was married to a woman named Flava. They did not have a happy marriage, but they did not divorce because it simply was not done on that day. While traveling, he met a woman named Betty Cook. She was a rich woman, heir to the Cook Paint fortune. She was the love of his life. They spent as much time together as possible. Betty became pregnant at about the same time as Flava. For whatever reason, I suspect that when Flava's baby died shortly after childbirth, they substituted me for her dead child. I was raised as Flava's and Merle's second child. I had an older brother who was really the child of my father and Flava's sister, Jane. Jane had a wild youth and gave up her child so that he would not have the stigma of being a bastard.
We were a very poor family that did not even have indoor plumbing. Hubert, my brother, and I worked in the fields to help support the family. Neither one of us got much of an education. I had to drop out in the eighth grade, and it was not until my late twenties that I was able to get my GED. I have worked very hard to educate myself, taken many college classes, and have several certificates to my credit.
Mother (Flava) did not work. She was always too frail. She did seem to be angry all the time. My childhood was like living two separate lives. At home with Flava, it was terrible. Mostly, I tried to stay out of her way. Either she suspected I was not her daughter, or she did not like girls. For whatever reason, I felt she hated me. She loved my brother. He could do no wrong. He was lazy, arrogant, and stupid. Whenever he did something wrong, I got punished for it. Nothing I ever did was good enough or right.
The only person in this world who really cared for me was my grandmother, Willis. She was Flava's mother. She always had time to answer my questions and teach me new things. I remember her giving me my first chance to bake a lemon pie. I added lots of lemons and not much else. She ate the pie and complimented me on how she could really taste the lemon. She was the bright light that saved me when I spent time with Flava.
That was one world; however, as I said, I lived in two different worlds. My father traveled a lot. As a little girl, he took me with him sometimes. That's when I got to see my real mother, Betty. You see, I did not know then that she was my mother. But I felt so special around her. I had my own room in her house in Hyannis Port, next door to the Kennedys. She bought me these pretty clothes that I could only wear there. The only bridge between my two worlds was my father. He was not around much, but I loved him so much. He died when I was thirteen. I really felt my world come to an end. Betty died shortly after Dad. While grieving, she took some sleeping pills and fell out of her high-rise apartment in New York. Betty's mother, Evaline, tried to make it a suicide, but I don't believe it.
A family named the John's had a house next to my mother, Betty's house. They were a large family with several sons. One of the sons, James Joseph John, took me under his wing whenever I was around. He was a bodybuilder, a doctor, and a friend of my father's. When my father died, he looked me up at Flava's to see if he could help. He substituted a look-a-like in my place so that I would not be missed, and he took me off to see the world. He was involved in the Korean War and was the Surgeon General of the United States. Naturally, we went to the front lines.
I was involved in several missions and was captured a few times. I am not in good health today because of some of the things that were done to me then. While I was in Korea, I met a pilot who was an Indian from the Cherokee Nation Reservation in Oklahoma. He was to be the next chief. He was one mission away from finishing his tour of duty when we were married. He went on a mission and was killed. I found out later that he was really my cousin. Betty's mother was a full-blooded Cherokee and a member of the Cherokee Nation Reservation royal family in Oklahoma.
James John was there to comfort me. We practically lived together. We weren't having sex or anything, but everyone assumed that we were. His mother, Myrtle, eventually insisted that we get married because it looked improper. James died of cancer less than a year later.
Betty and James were very wealthy and left their fortune to me. Each of their mothers was determined to see that I would never see a dime of it. After 37 years, it is still tied up in court. I was called the poor little rich girl by the people who knew me. I returned to my life on the farm, determined that I would escape and make a life for myself. Before he died, James told me the truth about my birthright and put most of the pieces together for me. To this day, I still have questions about why things were done as they were. I can only trust that God has a reason, and maybe someday I will be told why.
Shortly after returning to Flava's farm, I met the third man I would marry. He was a farm boy from Salem, Illinois, named Gerald Gale Yost. His background was like my world with Flava. He only made it through the sixth grade. I don't think we were in love as much as we were both looking to escape from our home life. Both of our families were against our getting married, and that is the thing that sealed it. If our mothers had kept their mouths shut, we would probably never have married.
I was determined that when my children started to date and were thinking about marriage, I would keep my mouth shut. It was probably the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I do feel, for the most part, that I succeeded. I also wanted my children to feel wanted. Having children was my most important goal in life. We had moved to Seattle, Washington, to get away from our families, but the weather did not agree with me. We then moved to the desert, Tempe, Arizona, where our first child, Terry Gale Yost, was born nine months after we were married.
Unfortunately, my health did not improve there, and we moved to Missouri. We tried for six more years to have another child. I got pregnant several times but always miscarried. Finally, I was able to carry twins to term. A boy named Merle James Yost and a girl named Neata Jane Yost. Sadly, though, I was pregnant with four children. Two had miscarried during the pregnancy. The doctors wanted to take the other two, but I was determined to have more children.
My marriage to Gerald has never been wonderful. Probably the best time was when the kids were small and Gerald worked construction. He was gone a week or two at a time. The house and kids were mine, and I was enjoying life a lot. I knew that he was sleeping around when he was gone, but I tried to ignore it if it was not serious. One time, it did get serious, and I had to pack up and move almost overnight to save my marriage.
Around this time, I decided to let the kids and Gerald in on my childhood and the other life I was leading. When James John died, he did not go to heaven. His work was not yet finished. Instead, his spirit went to a cave deep in the earth called Mother. This was the headquarters of an organization called NATO. We later changed the name to THE ROCK to avoid confusion with the North Atlantic Treaty Organization. This organization was created by God, the Father, to rule the earth. Known only to the most powerful world leaders, when the time is right, THE ROCK will come out of hiding and take control of the world.
Because of my bloodline, the Cherokee royal family, and a distant relative of Queen Elizabeth of England, God the Father chose me to lead the organization. I am assisted by angels and robots from other planets. I am in constant communication with them, and they guide me when I have problems in my everyday life. I needed to tell Gerald and the kids because the robot that substitutes for me when I am away on the Father's business has some slight differences. I did not want them to be frightened, and it was hard to keep this double life secret from the ones I love.
The Archangel Sesame is my personal guardian, and each of the kids has their own protector. I worried a lot less about them, knowing that their guardians were with them always. I slowly broke the pieces to them so they would not be overwhelmed. In general, they have taken it all well. It helped when I started telling them about the roles God, the Father, had chosen for each of us. Merle has been chosen to succeed me, and he will be brilliant. I have raised him with this very purpose in mind.
The twins have been the joy of my life. I learned a lot from raising Terry six years before the twins came along. Many of the mistakes I made with Terry I was able to correct with the twins. Terry is my first, and there will always be a special place in my heart for him. Even though I don't like the way that he turned out, the memory of him as a little boy will live in me forever. Someday, after I die, he will understand all the things that I tried to give him. It breaks my heart that he has turned out to be such a spoiled, lazy man. I am afraid that I must take some of the responsibility for it, but I will not take it all. He is a man now with children of his own, and someday he may grow up.
Merle has been the one most like me. He is honest, straightforward, determined, and has a mind of his own. I really wanted him to be a doctor like James John. He has such a beautiful voice; I had hoped that he would become a professional gospel singer. I had so many dreams for my children. Most of all I wanted them to have an easier life than I have had.
We have been a very tight family and, out of necessity, have kept the world out. No one would believe all of this without proof, so it is easier to say nothing. I have to say that I am getting impatient after all these years. Merle is becoming more distant all the time. He has moved over a thousand miles away. I pray all the time that he will come to his senses, find a girl, and settle down. James John warned me while the twins were still in the womb that I should be thankful that it was twins because Flava was praying for a boy, and Gerald was praying for a girl. He said that if there were not one of each, their sexual identity might be confused. I still wonder what went wrong.
Merle seems to be happy with that boy he has lived with for several years. God, the Father, has not said anything. I wonder if he is unhappy about Merle's lifestyle. I still have not told Gerald. He is not very open-minded. I am afraid that he will try to hurt Merle or throw him out of the family. Merle and his dad were so angry at each other for so long. It is really good to see them get along so well together. Gerald has grown to be so proud of Merle's accomplishments that I would hate to spoil that.
Neata has never really left home. I guess that I am guilty of that also. I so did not want her to feel the rejection that I did that I may have overdone it. Her husband is a carbon copy of Gerald. She has tried to tell her husband and step-kids about THE ROCK, but they seem somewhat resistant. It must be hard for her to maintain this double life. Fortunately, she can always talk to me.
I must close now. I want my children to be proud of themselves and hold their heads high. I worry about them constantly, but I trust that God, the Father, and their guardian angels will take care of them. I know that Merle's education will serve him well as the Supreme Commander of THE ROCK after I am gone. He is so much like me, and I love him so much.
PostScript
When I wrote this, I had not shared any of this with my therapists or anyone else. I remember giving this to my psychotherapist at the time, and each subsequent one and seeing the expression on their face was revealing and healing. I think that my weirdness made so much more sense. They were kind and supportive and helped me heal. I can never thank them enough.
We were isolated from the world and told that if we shared who we really were, we would be killed. It was functionally a cult, isolated to the family members.
I had few social skills and was very odd. There was much more going on, which I will reveal in subsequent posts. It is not surprising I had ulcers at 6 and 12. It was not a fun childhood, and repairing the damage has taken me decades.
Curiously, my brother and I were never close and have never discussed any of this.
I did share a lot of this with my partner. My family loved him. He was much nicer than me. He was the perfect Southern Gentleman. I teased him a lot, and one of my favorite teases was that I would tell the family he knew everything, and they could talk openly around him. He would turn red and insist that I not. I remember sharing this with his mother, and her only response was she was nuts or some other similar euphemism. It was a relief to have him around them because they did not talk about all of this stuff, and it almost seemed normal.
By the way, I got an A on the assignment.
Coming Soon: My last letter to my mother